I didn't find the closure I thought I wanted during my two-week trip to Uganda this past August.
But that's not a bad thing - far from it.
Instead of closing a chapter of my life forever, my time in Uganda was a rich refreshing of the relationships I had built in my four years there.
As I've started thinking about and processing that the last couple days, I think God used my visit back "home" to give me some emotional closure that I needed, but not the relational closure I thought was also necessary. Praise Him that He knows what we *really* need, even when that looks different than we think.
I was reminded today by a coworker just how many people were praying for this trip - A) that it would happen (a second wave of COVID-19 threatened that, but God's timing worked out perfectly!) and B) that it would be a special time with "sisters" and "family" there. God so very graciously answered all of those prayers, including the prayers of protection for the 10+ tech devices I was transporting!!
Looking back, I think I left Uganda [in 2018] with so much shame and so many feelings of failure hanging over me. As I reflect on what I received from my Ugandan family during my week at "home" in Kasana, and the next week traveling to a couple different parts of Uganda, I think God used their gracious, loving kindness and welcome to bring a significant measure of healing to that feeling of shame that I had carried for approximately three years, four months and 10 days.
They were happy to see me and I was happy to see them.
They praised God with me that I am now healthy and so much more stable than I was when I left.
They thanked God for the job and the work He has for me to do here in the States.
God knit many hearts together with mine during the four years that I lived in Kasana/Uganda. And even though I now live thousands of miles away from that place, that doesn't have to change the fact that I am close in heart to them and they to me.
I feel as though now that I have been back once, the door is always open for me to go back and visit, without the fear and shame, as God provides.
No, I didn't get the two apologies that I would have liked to receive. But I knew going in that I probably wasn't going to see that happen, and so I am contented with all the goodness of God that I did receive.
Praise God who works to redeem & bring healing!
Look What You've Done!
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