Wow, it's been almost four months since I wrote on here!!
Praise God, they have been four pretty level-headed months. I've been sleeping well for the most part, especially during a two-week vacation in Northern Ireland.
While I was away, there was a situation that arose at Christar which has sucked up a LOT of time and energy from the team I work on, zapping my boss and my editor. Since I got back, I've just been on the outskirts of it, not working serious overtime like they are.
But right before I left, another (smaller) situation reared its head - and I've been smack dab in the middle of that one since I started work again 2.5 weeks ago. It's a long story - but basically I made what my mom and one of my mentors view as an honest mistake that made one of Christar's project managers unhappy with me. (As my mom says, "expectations will getcha every time.")
Yesterday I finally sat down and wrote a draft of the apology that my boss strongly urged me to send.
But you know what? In this situation I am thankful. Because, back in November, I let something even smaller put me in the hospital for five days. But this time, I very consciously made a decision early on that I was not going to let this affect me that deeply. Yes, I am disappointed with myself, frustrated with the miscommunication, and not quite looking forward to sending the apology. BUT GOD - He's enabling me to remain pretty emotionally even-keeled about it.
When it rains it pours ... there is yet another personal event which has caused me some consternation and sadness. But I am trying to grieve it responsibly and work through it proactively. It will probably be a long process though. As with the previous situation, I have decided that I won't let this take me deep into despondence. My housemate even remarked on how well she saw that I was handling it on the emotional side. So that was encouraging :)
The reason I navigated to drafting this blog, though, was because of the song I heard on the radio this morning. I feel like it could be a theme song for anyone else dealing with mental illness, particularly depression or bipolar disorder.
I'm not brave, but I don't have to be .... the things that I'm afraid of are afraid of GOD!
Written Aug. 20, 2022
